Toxicity and how to get rid of it

As history has proven time and again, we humans require companions to survive in any form- friendships relationships or any others, which are essential for what most call a happy life. However, in recent times, a term has crept into these essential interactions that has caused them to be scary and dangerous to engage in. This term is none other than toxicity. These days, this term is thrown around quite casually, as most people do not truly understand what it is.

Toxicity by definition means the quality of being poisonous or rather, the degree to which something is poisonous. On applying it to the essential interactions, it simply means not being treated properly through an absence of care or any other aspect vital in these interactions.

For a simple breakdown, let’s take the example of a toxic friendship. Let’s assume that you are with your best friend. You have been friends for more than three years and you have given the utmost priority to this friend. Regardless, this friend always ignores you in your common environment when other people are present and only talks to you when he/she needs you. Or, this friend talks behind your back and then smiles innocently to your face. A similar example can be given for a relationship in which your partner never puts in as much effort as you do, not returning your feelings properly. In all these situations, you are not being treated in the way you should be, with the care and understanding that goes into such deep rooted interactions.

This ,precisely, is toxicity. 84% of women and 75% of men report having been in a toxic friendship. This has become a highly serious problem especially in high schools where these kind of interactions prevail during a long term resulting in the cause of trauma at a young age.

So, How do you get rid of it?

The first step to getting rid of a toxic friendship/relationship is to identify that you are in one. Possible signs are:

* They disrespect your boundaries.

* They always need something from you.

* They weaponize their struggles.

* They make you feel guilty for spending time with other people.

* They dismiss your values.

* They ignore your efforts to be a good friend to them.

Many people have come up to me to talk about cases in which their friend continuously instills negative thoughts in their minds to manipulate them and as a result, their confidence is shattered and they’re unable to leave them as, with a low self esteem, it is extremely hard to make new friends. In such cases, it is essential to be proactive and shut out these thoughts. There are vital steps to be followed to leave a toxic interaction:

1. Accept the situation : Most of the times, these realizations come as shocks and we ignore them to return to our old reality with denial .However this only worsens the situations so the best thing to do is accept what is going on.

2. Remember your values: As mentioned earlier, the toxic people in our toxic interactions make us forget our values so we always stay with them or any other reason that may give them an advantage. These values like confidence and self respect must be remembered as they are of great help in the solution.

3. Don’t worry about having other friends: In some cases these friendships are the only ones that people have and as a result there is hesitation to leave them. However, staying in a toxic friendship is far far worse than having no friendship as it grows harder day by day. In such situations, one must be brave and remember that,slowly but surely, things will definitely improve and a better friend will come along.

4. Cut all connections immediately: When we slowly start distancing ourselves from such people in such interactions, chances are that they will try to get you back but, with the intention of resorting to the same behavior when you do come back. So, we must distance ourselves effectively and immediately.

5. Don’t feel discouraged: You may feel guilty after this process but you must remember, the fault wasn’t yours at all. All of us deserve to be treated properly, especially in such interactions. Your actions may even teach the other person a lesson and get them too, to change for the better.

While overcoming toxic friendships/relationships may prove to be hard, you will find that you are all the more better for it and that, it is highly beneficial. It is also a huge part of self improvement as, these toxic people in interactions behave in those manners mostly because they want to rise higher. They do this in the wrong way- not by improving themselves but by bringing someone else (you) down.

Another quick solution to prevent toxicity in essential interactions is having self respect- something i’ll be elaborating on in my next blog.

Thank you for reading and i hope this helps! :)

-Dia Anjaria